Want to quit something?
You can’t set a date. Or stop for any other arbitrary reason.
Before you quit, you have to start.
Start with “no”, add “I’m not”, and be damn proud of it.
No, I don’t work there anymore. I’m not a corporate slave.
No, thanks. I’m not a father who smokes.
No, we should leave now. I’m not the guy who shows up late.
Once you’ve changed your identity by using “no” and “I’m not”, then you can say “yes.”
“Yes, I quit that.”
What’s better than a precisely executed fireworks display on the 4th of July?
But beyond the professional fireworks shows, I gotta ask:
Can we not?
Why are amateur fireworks “shows” still a thing?
Amateur fireworks shows are unsafe. Like, really unsafe. Burned eyebrows and lost appendages unsafe. Who’s paying the ER bills?
Amateur fireworks shows incite violence. 44 shootings and 8 deaths, including a seven-year-old, in the Chicagoland area on this year’s 4th of July. What better time to shoot a gun when people won’t think twice about the sound?
Amateur fireworks shows are obnoxious. They’re loud, messy and are miserably unimpressive. Few things are more upsetting (for a dog lover and person who likes peace) than living in the heart of Chicago and trying to take your dog to go pee at 11 pm on the evening of July 4th. It’s like walking the beaches of Normandy on D-day.
People, this is my call for crippling penalties for amateur, unlicensed firework shows.
The fines will generate revenue for the city, we’ll have fewer ER visits, and a more peaceful existence now that we, since 1776, have earned it.
Want to impress your boss? Or maybe get one of your teammates to instantly appreciate you?
Tell ’em “I got this.”
Take the responsibility off their plate and onto yours.
And if you’re collaborating over email, do it buy saying this:
“I’m moving boss / teammate / personal-responsible-for-the-task to BCC.”
They’re off the email chain and know you, now, got this.
Think about how amazing it is to get that email.
Great, huh?
[HT to DP for telling my Monday softball team he’s “moving me to BCC” and handling the weekly roster shuffle while I’m out of the office (at the lake).]
I’m out of the office..
Scratch.
I’ll be out of the office from July 3 until July 15.
In case of emergency…
Scratch.
I will have limited access to email.
Scratch.
I will be checking email, but won’t respond unless it’s a real emergency.
Scratch.
In case of an emergency, please contact my assistant.
Aw, fuck it.
Who am I kidding with this out of office crap anyway? You just saw the subject line and read no further. You know the deal.
Ugh.
For real though. I’m trying to go off the grid. Figure it out.
Nope.
I’m not doing email for one week. I’m going to return energized and motivated. You should give it a try. Love, Lenny
Okay, that will do.
Our Independence Day.
Drink some beers.
Have some fun.
Relax.
And if you have to work, do the aforementioned stuff afterwards.
Happy 4th of July, people.
Want to:
Make fewer decisions.
Maybe you can decide once and have it be the plan?
Maybe you can let someone decide?
Maybe you don’t need to decide at all? Just let it happen.
Decide today to decide less.
Seriously.
If you’re even able to read this, think about what that means.
Jump back into a time machine if this is at all unclear. There once was a time when a grape wasn’t a grape.
It was a fruit you found that will either kill or save you.
Today, you’re snacking on organic ones you picked up from Trader Joe’s.
Wow.
Really. Is it:
Sure, that could happen.
But why think about it?
Have fun.
It’s gotta be the best way to play without fear, right?
Can you describe it in just a few words?
If not, figure it out.
That, or stop trying to do so much.
Specialty is a good thing.
(With the addition of minimooning, maybe you’d just describe me as a blogger?)
Try to be funny.
Try to inspire.
Try to lead.
Try to make money.
If you try, you might get what you want.
But if you act upon your most strongly-held beliefs, it’s almost guaranteed.
And then, you’ll hardly have to try.