Author Archives: ljgale

Rhyme time

Slow and steady wins the race.  Hearing that from you makes me want to punch you in the face.  But, usually you’re right, don’t you know.  Here’s some examples I’d like to show.

The guys in high school who got lots of girls cause he was a skater.  Now he brings you and your hot wife your dinner cause he’s your waiter.

Today there’s a savvy web spammer who beats you in google page rank.  Tomorrow you’ll have built something special, and of value, so will be laughing all the way to the bank.

Your friend that got married before you is no longer is your playmate.  But fast forward 20 years and they’re back on JDate.

Rhyming is weird like a bump on a log.  But publishing daily equals slow and steady, and that’s the plan for this blog.

Which way to Oz?

As the pressure builds and stress increases, sometimes you have to laugh.

When my girlfriend tells me she has earned the right to take the elevator down three floors because she works out every day, I have to laugh.  Didn’t she read the athlete and the elevator?

When my condo’s management spends 200k on a new fitness center, only to, without first  benevolently communicating concerns to the residents, remove half the weights and machines because of a single resident’s (out of 350 units) over-sensitive noise issues, I have to laugh.  How could you guys be so dense?

When some of my best friends are still slaving away for an IT consulting firm working on meaningless projects during all their waking hours, I have to laugh.  Why are you wasting your life to make someone else rich?

No, situations like these aren’t inherently funny.  In fact, when I’m tired or stressed, little things like this are, at first, aggravating.  Infuriating, even.  But, what’s the point in feeling that way?

It’s like a fork in the road.  One way is “get angry”.  The other is “have a laugh”.  And when “have a laugh” path seems the toughest, most uphill, that’s when it’s most important to go that way.

Are you one of those people who takes the “get angry” route?

LOL.

 

 

NOTE: I can’t stand it when people use the term LOL.  But, I have laugh at the irony of it being the only substitute to me actually doing my “have to laugh” laugh.

Where have you been?

Let’s grab lunch?  Wanna get a beer?  C’mon, man, I miss you.

“I can’t, man.  This project is really consuming me.”

Oh, okay.  You’ve been working on the project for a year now.  Can’t wait to see what you created.

“Dude, it’s IT consulting.  We work with huge companies on big teams, day and night.  So, we obviously create stuff, but not sure what I’d show you.”

Oh.  That does sound consuming.

You want to be liked?

Dear Facebook friends and acquaintances,

I tried to say this subtly.  And it’s just me looking out for you.  So, I’ll say it again.  More directly this time.

If you have a fan page that you want someone to like, like their page first.  Then, ask for a like.

I’ll say it even more clearly.  Like my fan page, first.  Then, ask me to like yours.  Not the other way around.

Give then take, people.  You’ll be liked a lot more.

Your morning news

Where do you get your news in the morning?  Really, though.  What’s the first thing you check when you wake up?

Do you turn on the Today Show?  Do you scroll through Facebook?  Do you check your email?

Getting your news in the morning feels good.  It’s energizing and wakes you up.  Almost as much as making your own, that is.

It’s easy to say “They don’t get it”

Your jokes that killed it at one wedding speech but bombed at another.  Your music that moved millions in Nashville but was laughed at in Portland.  Your software that made magic in one demonstration but was lackluster in another.

When you’re on stage and fail, the first reaction is “They don’t get it.”  And that may be true.  So, why were you there in the first place?  You’re doing the same material for a different audience.

Don’t you get it?

Please scan your mafia card

Ask any mobster.  The mafia business model is simple: Offer convenience and cures.

If you need a loan, you can get it from the mafia quickly.  It’s convenient.  Then, if you get over your head in debt, they’re there to help.  They’ll burn your restaurant down and collect the insurance.  That’s the cure.

Need something else?  They’re open all day.

So, how is the CVS business model any different?  If you need a snack, you can get it quickly.  It’s convenient.  Then, when you’re sick with diabetes, they’ll set you up with some insulin.  That’s the cure.

Need something else?  They’re open all day.

No, CVS won’t burn your house down.  But, they might kill your family.

What’s the cost of do not disturb?

For my music at work, it’s $3 per month.  That I paid to Pandora.

For my readers at lifeisnoyoke.com, it’s a typo here and there.  That’s a cost not paid to an editor.

For the writer, it’s a longer walk to a quieter Starbucks.  That’s paid in his time.

The costs to avoid interruption are small.  But, to avoid commercial breaks, pop-up ads and loud talkers, the costs are completely worth it.

So, if the costs are so small, how come more people don’t pay?

Bruce Willis and Resent

Bruce Willis fans stop here.  Or, at least be warned: He’s teaching today.

Why?  According to Kevin Smith, Willis, these days, is just a paycheck player.

On the set of Cop Out, Willis refused to shoot until noon.  Whined on set every day.  And despite everyone else taking massive pay cuts to make the movie, Willis made sure to let everyone know he wasn’t getting paid nearly enough for “this shit”.

Whining about being underpaid transcends Hollywood.  And, if you choose to do it, the outcome is always the same: Your team resents you.  And you aren’t given any more money.