Dear Michael Phelps,

Thank you for recommending Subway sandwiches.  I’ve always wanted to be a swimmer.  Just like you.  Before eating Subway sandwiches, I’d try to swim but would just sink like a rock.  Now, after eating Subway sandwiches like you, I float with ease.

Thanks again,

The Men of Amurica

P.S. Any recommendation for ridding all this belly fat I recently took on?